Over the last few months I have found myself struggling greatly, in school, at work, in my personal life-- especially spiritually. For six months and for my internship, I worked with troubled at-risk teenage girls who all had behavior problems, and most of them were sex offenders too. Though, as a child, most were also offended upon as well.
To say these girls were hard to work with wouldn't be saying enough. There were many nights when I would come home bawling because of what happened at work that day. There was always so much negativity, cussing, bad mouthing, drama and too little common sense, common courtesy and common decency. Though I guess that most of them don't even know what the latter things even are. And I think that, for me, that was one of the biggest problems. I was working with girls, trying to help them actually become something in their lives and not revert back to what they had been, using drugs and alcohol etc.
After 5 months, I no longer could see how I was effecting them. There was only one girl who truly listened to me in ways I could see and I honestly lost hope in most of the 16 girls. But this wasn't the biggest problem.
I had lost hope in myself.
By the time Summer Term at BYU ended at the beginning of August, I had changed. I began to act as many of the girls; angering easily, cussing all the time, always agitated at everything, frustrated with everything. To be perfectly honest, it isn't just having the desire to change that would do the trick; I would know, I tried that for two months. It got so bad that even for General Conference I wasn't as excited I usually was and that was saddening for me. It wasn't until I committed to make myself better, read my scriptures, pray again, hold family home evening with Doug that I started to change.
The power of God is strong. It is the thing that can heal any of us, however small or big our trial may seem or actually be. Over the last 6 months I had forgotten this. I forgot what it was like to have the Spirit of God with me at all times, to have that comfort and peace within myself. I realize now that that is what those girls were missing. They were missing that continual reminder that no matter what, whether their family loved them or not, or even when they didn't love themselves, there is someone out there that loves them and adores them because he is their literal father. I've come to appreciate that love so much more now that I am actively seeking His hand in my life.
To say these girls were hard to work with wouldn't be saying enough. There were many nights when I would come home bawling because of what happened at work that day. There was always so much negativity, cussing, bad mouthing, drama and too little common sense, common courtesy and common decency. Though I guess that most of them don't even know what the latter things even are. And I think that, for me, that was one of the biggest problems. I was working with girls, trying to help them actually become something in their lives and not revert back to what they had been, using drugs and alcohol etc.
After 5 months, I no longer could see how I was effecting them. There was only one girl who truly listened to me in ways I could see and I honestly lost hope in most of the 16 girls. But this wasn't the biggest problem.
I had lost hope in myself.
By the time Summer Term at BYU ended at the beginning of August, I had changed. I began to act as many of the girls; angering easily, cussing all the time, always agitated at everything, frustrated with everything. To be perfectly honest, it isn't just having the desire to change that would do the trick; I would know, I tried that for two months. It got so bad that even for General Conference I wasn't as excited I usually was and that was saddening for me. It wasn't until I committed to make myself better, read my scriptures, pray again, hold family home evening with Doug that I started to change.
The power of God is strong. It is the thing that can heal any of us, however small or big our trial may seem or actually be. Over the last 6 months I had forgotten this. I forgot what it was like to have the Spirit of God with me at all times, to have that comfort and peace within myself. I realize now that that is what those girls were missing. They were missing that continual reminder that no matter what, whether their family loved them or not, or even when they didn't love themselves, there is someone out there that loves them and adores them because he is their literal father. I've come to appreciate that love so much more now that I am actively seeking His hand in my life.
