Forgotten

You know, sometimes I forget just how good I have it.
My life truly is wonderful.
And I've forgotten just how blessed I am, how little pain and suffering I've had and how many good things I have been given.

The closest person to me that has died is my second cousin who was a year younger than me, and we weren't even that close. Though, I will say she was probably in the top 3 of closest cousins.
My parents are still alive.
I never felt the pain of losing a grandparent because I was too little to remember.
I am married to a wonderful husband who I'm pretty sure treats me too well.
I have a job.
I attend college.
I'm not in debt.
I live in America.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I have everything I could possibly need.
And most of the things I could ever want, too.

I am so blessed.
And I seem to forget that. A lot.
Please, God, help me remember.
Help me remember all the blessings I have from thee.

Happy 2 Months!

How did we celebrate?

Well, Doug ate my face:

And was a complete cheese:

And then finally decided to be a normal person:

Cute, ain't he?

I think so too ^__^

Anyway, after goofing off like the nerds we got keys to our new apartment and then made some food.

The super tasty Ukrainian dish, Borscht.

If only you all knew how delicious it really is.

So it wasn't the most exciting thing ever, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. 

What Am I Doing?!

I had a complete mental breakdown this week trying to figure out what I want to do with my fetching life. 

Seriously, it's awful being in limbo like this. 

I think I know what I want to do and then I start and then I run out of determination 20 minutes in.

It's awesome.

My options this week have been:

Mother

W R I T E R

photographer

Editor

marriage and family therapist

.....

And a whole list of other things, but those were thrown out almost immediately.

Like Scuba Diver. Or government agent.

These ones listed above actually stuck around for some small amount of time.

But I'm back at square one again.

Honestly, I wish I was just awesome enough to be a stay at home mom who wrote novels and edited them and photographed her cover art so I can manipulate it in post.

If only I were that cool.

I want to do these things, but I don't know how to get the determination to do so.

Or the confidence in myself that actually says, "You can do it, self!"

and "I believe in you!"

Because, well... I don't.

I'm going to have a pity fest now:

I don't think I'm much of a photographer.

I don't think I'm good at writing fiction (though I do love it and pretend I am).

I don't know how I'd fare as a psychologist.

I don't think I need schooling to edit things.

I don't know that I'd be that great of a mother.

(Honestly, the thought terrifies me and excites me all at once.)

And I don't know how to change any of that. 

Sigh. Maybe one day I'll actually figure out what I'm to do with my life.

After all, I want to get some kind of fulfillment out of living.

Is that really too much to ask, cyber space?

Obsession.

I never thought I had much of an obsession, but it seems to have gotten worse lately...

I just spent the last, oh, 3 hours or so digitally stitching these three photos together:

And this is how it turned out ^__^

The reason for this?

I was trying to make a sticker for my iTouch case because I need to protect it.

Because it already should have died.

Long, long ago.

And I'm finally getting it fixed.

And that, my friends, is a miracle.

After all, it's been broken for a year and a half.

The screen cracked a mere month after I got it.

A whole month and a half after the 4th generation came out. 

Talk about feeling like a moron.

Anyway, moving on.

There are other pictures I considered using, but stitching these together just seemed more fun.

But the other ones were these:

But in the end, I needed to do some digital imaging work.

It had been way too long.

And I wanted to know that I could still do it.

Well, at least decently, anyway.

So, here's to my wonderful obsession.

And for hoping I am able to make my Zelda costume this Halloween.

The obsession must continue!

camera.

It's been decided.

Basically whenever I go anywhere, my camera will be following me.

I'm tired of not having pictures of things that I want later.

And I'm sick of not using my camera much these days.

I miss everything about it.

Pictures, pictures, pictures.

There will be lots of them.

Study Hard

I'm supposed to be studying. I have a test I need to take in about 2 hours...
Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna fail.
Sometimes, I have really poor study habits. As in nothing I study actually sticks to my brain.
It becomes a problem, especially when I'm trying to get better grades than I have been in recent semesters...
This is my forte, though.
Children, family studies...
There's a reason I'm going into it obviously.
But the problem is, because I feel like I know so much of it already, I sometimes tune out in class.
And then I feel inadequate.
And then try studying a ton to make up for it...
But then I suck at studying, so I don't do so hot.
Is it sad that I'm hoping for a C on the test?
Probably, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
And because my paper rocked (93% on a paper? That's what's up.) I don't feel so bad shooting for a C. After all, that makes a B average, ya know?
So here's to studying (despite however poorly) for the next 2 hours.
And hoping I get a C.

Odd.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm super odd when it comes to judging males attractiveness.

No really. 

In looking at who I find attractive in Hollywood and who I think is hideous, it's generally safe to say that I am against the norm. Let's start with every girls werewolf love fantasy:

Seriously girls? What's wrong with your taste? Not to be rude, but have you seen the size of his nose? I mean really. I know I don't have the smallest nose in the world, but pu-lease. It's nothing like that monstrosity up there. He's attractive, how? Please, enlighten me. Maybe I'm just weird because I don't find a whole ton of muscle attractive...

Then there's the piratey elven "goodness." Legolas, Will Turner, Orlando Bloom... Really? 

First off, what is with that hair? 

Puke.

And again with the nose. Awkward and pointy. Though, not as wide as wolf-boy.

Then there's good old Tom Cruise. Notice the emphasis.

And let's be honest. He's no George Clooney.

The years have not been good to him.

Ok no, but really. This:

Not attractive. Again with the nose! Pointy and bumpy and lumpy.

Not to mention he's kind of a dirt bag.

But don't get me started on that...

And then there is the wonderful Brad Pitt.

Wonderful? How about gagful.

There is nothing to appreciate here:

Your options are Bradin Pitt (the closest name possible for a girl, because just look at him), Brad Pedo-Pitt or  Smoker Pitt.

All of which sound lovely, don't they?

What a winner.

What a looker!

This list could basically go on forever...

Zac Effron, Justin Beiber, Ryan Gosling...

But I won't bore you.

My thoughts on attractive famous men?

There is no one better.

And yes, he is a video game character.

And I'm proud of it ^_^
Blue eyes, awesome build, awesome character. Pure win.

Yay for being a nerd. Woo!

And for, frankly, having the hottest guy in the world as a husband anyway ^_^
Despite the lack of blue eyes and blonde hair. I still got a win.
Hands down.

Apartment Search.

Give me answers cyberspce!
I'm sick of this.
Just let me find a fetching apartment already.
It's kinda getting ridiculous now.
And frankly, I really don't appreciate it.

A Matter of "Human Rights"?

I will never understand this. Ever.
Legalizing gay and lesbian marriages isn't actually going to change the fact it's wrong.
Not only that, they have the same rights as I do.
I can marry someone of the opposite gender... so can they.
I cannot marry another woman, for I am one.
They can't either.
Legalizing gay and lesbian marriages isn't "upholding their rights."
Legalizing gay and lesbian marriages is giving more rights.
And in this generation, that's all people want.
More, more, more!
Give me more rights. Give me more money. Give me more health benefits.
And I'll take, take, take.
And never give back.
What a messed up world we live in.
Why should you get more rights than I do?
And before you have the gall to go off and say I'm an ignorant fool who just loves the bible and doesn't have any sense of these modern times, I do have friends that are gay and lesbian, good friends I might add, so don't even go there. I accept them as they are and I still love them just as much as my other friends. However, I also don't want their beliefs shoved onto mine, just as they don't want mine shoved onto them. 

Past.

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." --Robin Williams

Is it sad this this quote summed up my life for about 6 years? Probably. Feeling as though I was completely alone was the worst. I'm glad I'm over that. It was rough, but I learned a lot during those times in my life, which was good. But I never have to deal or worry about that again. That's the wonderful thing about being married, especially being sealed in the temple. I know that I'm never going to be alone, ever. Forever is a pretty long time, and I've been blessed to have that, now and always. It's a wonderful thought really. And so uplifting.

I love the gospel. It brings such comfort to my soul.