I had a complete mental breakdown this week trying to figure out what I want to do with my fetching life.
Seriously, it's awful being in limbo like this.
I think I know what I want to do and then I start and then I run out of determination 20 minutes in.
It's awesome.
My options this week have been:
Mother
W R I T E R
photographer
Editor
marriage and family therapist
.....
And a whole list of other things, but those were thrown out almost immediately.
Like Scuba Diver. Or government agent.
These ones listed above actually stuck around for some small amount of time.
But I'm back at square one again.
Honestly, I wish I was just awesome enough to be a stay at home mom who wrote novels and edited them and photographed her cover art so I can manipulate it in post.
If only I were that cool.
I want to do these things, but I don't know how to get the determination to do so.
Or the confidence in myself that actually says, "You can do it, self!"
and "I believe in you!"
Because, well... I don't.
I'm going to have a pity fest now:
I don't think I'm much of a photographer.
I don't think I'm good at writing fiction (though I do love it and pretend I am).
I don't know how I'd fare as a psychologist.
I don't think I need schooling to edit things.
I don't know that I'd be that great of a mother.
(Honestly, the thought terrifies me and excites me all at once.)
And I don't know how to change any of that.
Sigh. Maybe one day I'll actually figure out what I'm to do with my life.
After all, I want to get some kind of fulfillment out of living.
Is that really too much to ask, cyber space?
2 comments:
Oh gosh, I completely know what you mean. I had a similar crisis not too long ago, and a freak out crisis when I thought maybe it wouldn't work out. My opinion? First: don't be afraid to be a mom, because you'd be a FANTASTIC mother. The only thing between you and that is your confidence. Second: Determination comes and goes, it's difficult to decide what you want to do when you like so many different things, so do all of them. You can photograph on the side, write on the side, and pursue your psychology major. Especially with things like writing and photography, you don't technically need a degree in order to succeed (though, if you wanted a minor probably would help. . .)
You just need to believe you can do it. And you can, like, a million and ten percent assured that you can. So no worries. Go go go! <3
You can do it. :) If you can dream it, you really can.
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